RaiNinMisT

Earthquake or not >_< Sooner it happens better it'll be because the more the earthquake takes the worser it'll get
D: Living on the Hayward fault line not the smartest idea
just seeing a episode that included a earthquake killing the 3 sibling's parents and getting separated >_< im scared so Earthquake, u gonna strike or not
the longer u don't happen the more miserable we get just like in a war the longer the enemy laggs on the more miserable it gets to wait for the attack
Insanity D:!
*whacks myself on head, at least everyday when im on my bed reading i always somehow imagine the earthquake as if it was happening then i'd look at the lamp string and it was as still as it has always been...
Will the earthquake take away my life, my friends, my family?
What i fear the most is loosing my friends ._.
i fear earthquakes, and i fear gettings crushed under the roof if im not fast enough and i fear losing my house i cant ask fo ra better life even tho grief and sadness lies within my life often, my friends make me feel happy and welcomed at school and everywhere we go to hang out

Everytime, anywhere i think of Travis it's like i cant not think of him ._.
I try to succeed in life but really it's 10 thousand times harder with such a great friend like him..........
I'm failing right now T.T
T.T i just wish he was here and i knew where he was because I've been so worried sick my feelings are numb now i cant tell if im worried about him..... and sometimes when i get so confused thinking of him i forget what i just did T.T for instance in the dinner table i sat there eating with my hood on covering half of my face feeling gloom over me and i was like..... "uhm did i just eat the chicken wing" Jess in reply "no, i did or else u would've eaten the bones", "oh right........ so i didn't eat the chicken wing.. but i remember getting one...", "no u didn't get one u were eating plain rice the whole time" -.- that was pretty stupid of me and i thought i was eating chicken and potatoes
I keep forgetting what i just did so often now everytime my mind drifts to Travis ):
But really where's Travis? He's been missing for over a week..
or maybe he's just to busy? no he would've told me........
But.................
T^T   () ()
-Suzy (T^T)
     (/( ))

Sometimes i wonder how it'd be if i ever lost control of myself and turned cold hearted and betrayed my friends ._. ...........
And if i stop worrying so much about my friends everyday.......
Sometimes i also wonder what would be of me if i didn't have such calm reaction to things ._. and didn't get excited over one simple thing........

but i doubt any of those will ever happen..
For now and forever I'd never lose control of myself I'd always be the same me ._.
and i will still treasure my friends like they are a shard of glass...
Forever and always stay calm, because panicking inst good say when there's a earthquake well it says that when u panic it awakens a sense that helps u get away from danger but, okay.... Suzy says don't panic on other things ~.~

Let's just say my feelings are numb right now i feel so confused
Kevin is totally weird around me and idk what to do ._.
I haven't seen Travis for 4 days ._., I've been so worried my feelings feel numb now and i feel quite lonely without him and with Kev like this i really don't know what to do ~.~
I wana flop on my bed and sleep and never wake up ~.~ okay can i just sleep for 3 months and wake up to the nice evening spring ._. where everything is back to normal...
Where Travis isnt missing and Kevin is the same old funny Kevin.....Where pat doesn't hate me, and constantly trying to toy with my feelings ._. ...............
I really wish Johnny wasn't dead -.- i feel insanely weird and i miss him so much now...
And ill never talk to him again T^T

I cant really live without Travis ...........
Where is he :~:  ............

                            -Suzy

It seems like everything is falling apart right now just about everything even friendship......

Everything i guess is unpredictable but everything that has happened totally changed my life and some of my friend i guess the arent true friends hate the way i changed........T.T
i missed how everything was......... before my friend died...
and before all these problems happen, and now my dad gets fired?! and i have to quit Kumon and dance class?! i dont wanna quit dance class in my whole life it's one of the only things that ever made me happy........ and in a few weeks i wont have that to cheer me up anymore........ everyday i desperately try to earn more money and keep up with my grade but it's impossible right now how else could i find money T.T
............................ ..... I feel alone and i am the only one standing in my own Island of Depression....Only 2 of my friends try to understand and only one tries to help.......
I dont know what do now, but cry...

It's like nothing could help me now but time.....
It's so hard everyday when i try to fix my friends problem along with mines, but All i need is time and that's the least thing i could ever get.............
This is pointless..........
And im Alone
i guess this is how Johnny felt before he died.....and i guess he had so many problem he only wanted peace and that's what he gets, but leave his family and friends hanging and im like the only friend in Cali while the rest of his is in Iowa T.T and im Alone now All alone with no one to understand me T.T this isn't fun not one bit....

How do i say it when u think ur going insane and no one understands u except for 2 of ur friends who actually tries to listen and as for the rest of them they tick u off so much u wana sucks there blood out of there throats~

Well I think that is what i mean

I keep fearing one and only thing i can never get over with ,and it's making everything change.................in my life i always have been able to get over my fears from locking myself in a dark room sitting in the middle of the cold room half of the night getting over the fear of the dark to crouching over a tall cliff for like idk and standing up staring down overcoming the fear of height >.>
.........but it just seems so that this is a totally different fear that kills my thoughts and tears through everything i've ever experienced....................

I keep fearing to loose another friend.................
but i also for not only my friends in rl, but my friends on the internet >.> i'm so stupid arent i................
it's sad i have no one to share anything with, i cant say i dont have anyone to share it with but no one cares or listens.................


I have written many more poems, but i dont think i want to shaer them anymore with anymore, but with only people who actually cherish and understand my poems, so no more poems intill i actual feel happy anymoreHe~ it's funny how i was so hyper yeserday that i was jumping around everywhere and letting out playful, and joyous squels >.> lol it was amazing tho playing for my school library regrandopening and being the first few people to walk in the new library ............................... playing for our principal,librarian,students,mayor, and Johnny >.>